"Pretty and Pregnant" or "Fat and Unfashionable"?

Dear Angie,

The following is an actual quote from a pregnancy book I received as a gift when I was pregnant with Noah. (Note that this was approximately ten years ago, not twenty as you may suspect.)

A pregnant woman's best friend can be her husband's closet. It's all there for the taking...oversized T-shirts and regular shirts that look great over pants or under jumpers (try belting them under the belly for an interesting silhouette), sweatpants that will accommodate more incjes than yours will, running shorts that will keep up with your waistline for at least a couple more months, belts with the few extra notches you need.

Take it in. Take all that amazing fashion advice in. When your husband is seven inches taller than you are, like mine is, this is incredibly bad advice. If your husband is closer to your size, chances are you will outgrow his clothing sooner or later and go flying into a depression. And even if the clothes fit, in general terms, clothing cut for a man will not, under any circumstances, fit the curves of a pregnant woman. Great advice, What to Expect book.

While I never resorted to wearing men's clothing, I did make a huge fashion mistake. I wore something very similar to this number (but stonewashed for extra specialness).

Yes, those are maternity overalls. If you don't already look bloated, these will get you to that place in no time. And the worst part: I think I dropped about forty bucks on those puppies. Hideous.

Somewhere along the line, I figured out that being pregnant wasn't an excuse to give up. I had a few things I really liked to wear by my last pregnancy. Like this blue shirt. (Old Navy maternity clothes have such a nice fit.)

But my favorite clothes ended up being ones that weren't even in the maternity section. There are loads of shirts that are very forgiving of a budding belly. Plus you don't feel totally ridiculous wearing them when you are just starting to show, and you don't feel terrible wearing them for a couple weeks after the baby. My favorite non-maternity preggo fashion? The dress I wore to your wedding. (Yep, I was six months pregnant here.)

I am no fashion queen, but it seems to me that today's maternity fashions are really heading in the right direction. If you are active and eating healthy, there are parts of your body that will continue to look good. Why not show off those slender arms or shoulders? If you have nice legs, give them their due glory. I know that some people don't like the tight shirt look, but I think it is great to embrace the belly a bit, especially when it is as cute as yours!

And finally, don't feel guilty about spending money on clothes you will only wear a few months. Who cares? You deserve to feel good and look good! Just be sure to save a bit in the budget for when you hit about 34 weeks. A new outfit or even just a shirt can go a long ways when all you can think about is meeting your baby.

Love, Julie

In response to your comments . . .

Dear Angie,

It has been two weeks since all of your great comments appeared. They are just want I needed to get me rolling. Thank you!

Here is what I have to say about what you had to say.

Angie wrote: It is really hard to get dressed every day. I feel like I am in this inbetween stage where the maternity clothes are too big, but my regular clothes are getting quite tight and not so attractive. People tell me my dress is cute and I blurt out, "I'm pregnant" just so they don't think I am just fat. What's up with that??

I say: Oh my gosh, that is the worst stage! But I am pretty sure no one would assume "fat" before "pregnant" looking at cute you. I also hate to tell you that you might be in "in-between land" for weeks or even months. I was more than six months pregnant, standing in a line, having able bodied sixty-year-old woman budging in front of me. (Uh...Jersey.) And when I told them, "Hey, you just budged in front of a tired pregnant woman!" (But in a quite, sweet Midwestern way...) they looked at me like I was crazy! So maybe you should get a bunch of tight t-shirts printed with phrases like "Coming soon," "baby-growing season," or the direct "it's a baby, not fat."

Angie wrote: I think it's time to embrace the bump, but what a weird feeling to get bigger when we spend so many years of our lives trying to stay in shape and maintain our weight. It is definitely different! I am going to go to my Zumba class tonight, but I'm afraid this may be one of my last classes for a while. I love it so much, but I think I push myself too hard and then I don't feel very good afterwards, so I need to find an alternative. I have been walking when I can and I love my prenatal yoga classes on Saturday mornings, but is that enough? I don't want to push it too hard, but I also want to maintain a certain level of fitness. My thought is that I need to start swimming, so hopefully I will get into that soon!

I say: I spent two pregnancies not giving a flying monkey about how in shape I was. That was a big mistake. It wasn't that I was particularly uncomfortable—I was young and have a remarkably long torso with lots of room for a baby. But afterward, I didn't feel like myself for a very long time. I can't help but think my physical health impacted my mental health. So with Isla, I was determined to stay in shape. I wanted to keep running because I read about countless women running throughout their pregnancy. I wanted to work my legs with the squats and lunges I was used to. But then I started spotting. Dumb, dumb, dumb. And even more dumb is that I continued to try and do squats and lunges a few more times, which always resulted in spotting. Finally, I got it. You have to listen to your body, even when the message is not what you want to hear.

Check out the Fit Pregnancy magazine web site. They have many circuit workouts that are designed to not only keep you in shape, but to prepare your muscles for childbirth, which is absolutely the most important and amazing workout of your life.

Swimming, water aerobics, and walking are perfect workouts. I know that a walk is no where near the intensity of a Zumba class, so trade in intensity for length.

Angie wrote: Another issue...sleep! I have had a very hard time adjusting to sleeping on my left side. I am a back sleeper and like eating sushi, that is a big no-no! I finally just paid $60 for this pillow called a Snoogle. Have you heard of it? Well, I will say that in the four nights I have had it, it has done wonders for my sleeping and I hope that continues!

I say: I hope your Snoogle is still working! Sleeping on your side is annoying. But I am pretty sure I have read multiple times that if you end up on your back, your body will wake itself up if need be. Good luck on getting lots of rest the second half of your pregnancy!

Angie wrote: On an exciting note, I am pretty sure that I felt the baby move for the first time today and what a wonderful feeling that was!! It was on the way to work and I also felt it a few more times throughout the day! If that isn't what it is, then I don't know what is going on!

I say: I am sure you are feeling the baby move all the time by now. It is a great feeling! Since you are so thin, you will get quite the show in another month or two. Some people think it is creepy to see the baby dancing away, but I think it is fascinating! A bit alien-like, yes, but fascinating.

On another note, isn't Miss Brooklyn beautiful? Boy, Bob and Krysta make some attractive children. Soon we will all be gushing over your little one!

Have a wonderful week!

Love,

Julie

Babymoons!

Dear Angie-

I apologize for the delay in posting. My life has veered off its normal course and filled with travels or company for a few weeks straight. Traveling with three children complicates things. For some reason you feel like you are traveling twice as many miles, only to do half the amount of things you could do without children in tow.

Which makes me wonder if you realize how important it is to take a babymoon — that is a trip expectant parents take together before their world is flipped upside down and inside out! It can simply be a weekend at a hotel, a time to celebrate who you are as a couple and who you are to become.

When we were expecting Noah, we were, to put it bluntly, poor. Yet, we were determined to take a little getaway to Woodstock, NY. We window shopped and ate and enjoyed the freedom of having a (rental) car, after being without a vehicle for months. And when it was time to go home...well, I really didn't want to. I was so relaxed and happy and . . . well, scared. I was scared of how my life was going to change in just sixteen weeks. For some reason, I thought if I could somehow stay in upstate New York, I could keep things the same.

Life changes all the time. We can't stop it. We can't speed it up. We can only treasure the time we are in. In a few months, you will desperately want the days of pregnancy to be over and to be holding your baby in your arms. But you have forty weeks for a reason; try to relax, enjoy them, and treasure your time as husband and wife before you must also be mom and dad.

Love, Julie